He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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