He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
