I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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