Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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