Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
