i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
