i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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