so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
