You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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