You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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