I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
