i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
