yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
