from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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