He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
