Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
