I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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