Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
