He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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