My cat gives me a boner
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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