I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize