I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
