508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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