i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
