I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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