I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
