drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
