hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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