I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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