If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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