Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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