u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
