i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
