somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
