Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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