We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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