So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
