is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
