Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
