I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone says I win the strip club
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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