you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
