Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
