This girl is more easily done than said...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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