We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
