No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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