I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
