so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
