I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
