you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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