I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize