At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
