I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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