my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.