I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
