Please, let me fuck your mom
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat