He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.