Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
