dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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