Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
