My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize