Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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