So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
