I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
