The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
