Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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