3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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