I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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