Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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