i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
