Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
