I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize