is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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