TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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